Choosing an Epitaph for a Loved One

Deciding on an epitaph for a loved one can be a big responsibility. You and your family are experiencing a difficult time, and making decisions about memorializing someone can be challenging. While it may take some time to choose the right words, an epitaph is an important part of honoring your loved one. There is no right or wrong way to memorialize someone, but there are a few different considerations to take into account. Read on for our advice on choosing an epitaph for a loved one who has passed.

What is an Epitaph?

Gravestone epitaphs are phrases or statements written in memory of deceased persons. It is usually engraved on a headstone, plaque, or other memorial object. An epitaph is a part of the space dedicated to remembering and honoring a person, so it should be carefully selected by those who knew them best. Samuel Johnson wrote, “The principal intention of epitaphs is to perpetuate the examples of virtue, that the tomb of a good man may supply the want of his presence, and veneration for his memory produce the same effect as the observation of his life.” An epitaph can be virtually anything meaningful to the deceased person and/or their loved ones.

Choosing an Epitaph

There is no right or wrong way to memorialize a person. However, choosing the perfect phrase or quotation to honor your loved one and contribute to their headstone epitaphs and overall memorials can be a daunting task. While selecting an epitaph can be stressful, in the long-term, it will provide comfort and space for reflection for visitors in the future. There are a few things you can consider when choosing an epitaph, but ultimately, those who were closest to a person who has passed can hardly go wrong.

Checklist: What to Consider When Choosing an Epitaph

Selecting a meaningful epitaph is a deeply personal process. This checklist is designed to guide you through the key decisions and reflections that can help you choose an inscription that truly honors your loved one.

1. Who are you honoring?

• What was their full name and how did they prefer to be known?
• What life roles defined them (for example, parent, teacher, friend, veteran)?
• What qualities or values were central to who they were?

2. Tone and style

• Do you want the epitaph to be traditional and formal, or more personal and expressive?
• Should the tone reflect spirituality, inspiration, humor, poetry, or simplicity?
• Will the inscription stand on its own or accompany other elements like names, dates, or titles?

3. Space and size limitations

• What type of monument is being used (flat marker, upright headstone, mausoleum, etc.)?
• How much space is available for engraving?

4. Faith and spiritual beliefs

• Are there religious texts, prayers, or symbols that reflect your loved one’s beliefs?
• Would you like to include faith-based elements such as a cross, angel, or scriptural reference?
• Are there any cemetery or religious guidelines you need to follow regarding inscriptions?

5. Quotes, verses, or personal sayings

• Did your loved one have a favorite poem, lyric, book passage, or quotation?
• Are there words or sayings they were known for among family and friends?

6. Language and cultural considerations

• Would you like the epitaph to appear in more than one language?
• Should it reflect cultural heritage, values, or traditions important to your family?

7. Future maintenance and legibility

• Is the font easy to read for visitors of all ages?
• Will the stone or plaque material preserve the inscription well over time?
• Does the design align with any existing family headstones or monuments nearby?

At Tegeler Monument Company, our experienced team is here to help you navigate each of these considerations with care and compassion. Choosing an epitaph may take time, but it is one of the most lasting ways to celebrate and preserve a meaningful life.

Life Roles

For many people, their relationships to others are a critical part of who they are and how they will be remembered. For example, one person might be a mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, wife, niece, and friend. These relationships reflect the multi-dimensional nature of a person and how they will be remembered by a wide range of different people. Consider your loved one and the roles they played in the lives of those close to them.

You can also include information about occupation if it seems appropriate to you and your family. For example, you might include “devoted teacher” or something similar. Some people are especially dedicated to their religious beliefs and consider them to be central to themselves and who they are. If your loved one, for example, practiced Islam, you might consider including imagery or text to reflect this. You and your family know what your loved one would have wanted, so trust your instincts when it comes to choosing life roles to honor them.

Meaningful Quotations, Poetry or Bible Verses

Think about what was important to your loved one. If they were religious, including a short passage from a religious text that was meaningful to them is a great way to honor them. Examples include:

From the Old and New Testaments:

• “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” – Matthew 5:8
• “Under the shadow of thy wings.” – Psalm 36: 7
• “Many waters cannot quench love.” – Song of Solomon 8:7
• “In the hand of God.” – Ecclesiastes 9:1
• “And there shall be no night there; and they need no candle, neither light of the sun; for the Lord God giveth them light: and they shall reign for ever and ever”. – Revelation 22:5
• “Love never fails.” – 1 Corinthians 13

Even if your loved one was religious, a line from a poem or a quotation might be a better fit for their epitaph. Consider any favorite books, poems, or historical figures. This type of quotation may be the perfect way to honor them. Some popular examples of quotations for epitaphs include:

• “To live in the hearts of those we love is not to die.” – Thomas Campbell
• “For all we know this might only be a dream, we come and go like ripples in a stream.” – Nat King Cole
• “A life, like any other, completely unlike any other.” – Neil Gaiman
• “There are no goodbyes for us. Wherever you are, you will always be in my heart.” – Mahatma Gandhi
• “Let your soul stand cool and composed before a million universes.” – Walt Whitman
• “I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.” – Sarah Williams

Classic Epitaphs

Your preference may be for a simple, classic epitaph. There are many beautiful and concise ways to honor your loved one. Examples of classic epitaphs include:

• Beloved

• So Loving, So Loved

• Forever in Our Hearts

• Rest in Peace

• Gone But Not Forgotten

• Always in Our Thoughts

• Safe in the Arms of Jesus

Personal Epitaphs

Including personal information specific to your loved one is a great way to comfort visitors. For example, if they loved dancing or singing, you might choose an epitaph that evokes memories of them doing those things. You can also choose a quote from a poem or religious text that referencing dancing or singing. This will help people who visit in the future reflect on happy memories of your loved one doing the things they loved most. You can choose to mention things they loved, such as a certain place or a family pet, or even something unique and special about them.

Ultimately, you and your family knew your loved one best and are, therefore, best equipped to choose an epitaph. Keep in mind that the words you choose are meant to honor the deceased and comfort visitors, and decide based on what feels right. As long as an epitaph evokes the feelings and memories that are most comforting to you and your loved ones, you can’t go wrong.

Epitaphs That Tell a Story

Some families choose narrative epitaphs—slightly longer inscriptions that read like the beginning or end of a beautiful story. These are especially fitting for upright monuments, companion headstones, or family memorials, where there is more room to reflect the unique journey of a life well-lived.

These epitaphs often include:

• A defining trait or legacy

• A short life summary or tribute

• A message to the living or future generations

Here are some thoughtful narrative-style epitaph examples:

• “She lived with grace, gave without expectation, and left this world brighter than she found it.”

• “His hands built homes, his heart built love. A husband, father, and friend to all.”

• “She followed every sunset, sang through every storm, and loved with all her soul.”

• “They walked this life side by side for 62 years, now reunited in eternal peace.”

• “A gentle spirit who taught us to laugh, to forgive, and to never stop dancing.”

• “In his stories we found wisdom. In his laughter, joy. In his absence, love remains.”

These types of memorial inscriptions offer visitors not just a name and a date—but a glimpse of the person’s essence. They are ideal for those seeking personalized gravestone inscriptions that truly honor someone’s impact.

Frequently Asked Questions About Epitaphs

1. Can I change an epitaph after the headstone is already engraved?

In most cases, once a headstone or monument is engraved, changing the epitaph is difficult and may require replacing the stone or re-polishing and re-engraving the surface. However, if the headstone was installed recently and the inscription is incorrect, it may be possible to make adjustments. Tegeler Monument Company can evaluate your memorial and advise on the best path forward.

2. How many words should an epitaph be?

Most epitaphs range from 2 to 20 words, depending on the available space on the headstone, grave marker, or memorial plaque. Shorter inscriptions (like “Forever in our hearts”) are ideal for smaller markers, while longer epitaphs, poems, or quotations are better suited to larger upright monuments or mausoleums. Our team can help you determine what fits best based on your chosen memorial design.

3. Can an epitaph include more than one language?

Yes. Bilingual or multilingual epitaphs are increasingly common, especially in families with cultural or international heritage. Tegeler Monument Company has experience engraving in languages such as Greek, Hebrew, Ukrainian, and Chinese, among others. We’ll work with you to ensure accurate spelling, translation, and layout.

4. Are there religious or cemetery restrictions on epitaphs?

Some cemeteries, especially religious or historic ones, may have guidelines about the types of inscriptions or symbols permitted. These restrictions can apply to font type, language, religious imagery, or even epitaph length. Our experienced team works with cemeteries throughout Maryland, D.C., Virginia, and Pennsylvania and can help navigate any requirements to ensure compliance and approval.

5. Can I add an epitaph to an existing headstone later?

Yes. If a loved one has already been interred and their headstone or monument was left blank or only partially engraved, an epitaph can usually be added later. Tegeler Monument Company offers on-site engraving services and can help match the font, style, and stone color for a seamless result.

Final Thoughts: There’s No Wrong Choice

Ultimately, the best epitaph is one that feels true to your loved one’s memory. Whether you choose a classic phrase, a Bible verse, or something unique and poetic, remember this: your words will live on as a testament to the life, love, and legacy you’re preserving.

At Tegeler Monument Company, we offer compassionate support and memorial engraving services to help families across Maryland, D.C., Virginia, and Pennsylvania choose an epitaph and monument that tells a story with care and dignity.

Contact Us

If you are in need of assistance in choosing an epitaph and/or choosing a gravestone in Maryland, contact Tegeler Monument Company today. Our family has been working for more than five generations to help other families create beautiful, comforting memorial spaces that truly honor lost loved ones. Call 410-788-1318 for more information.